Tales From the Front: Kiki and Weiss (Part Two)

WEISS to KIKI:

Human Advance of Lutter Farm – Further Notes: I suggest a typically late night scouting trip to sort out the what with, the why with, and, beyond and above, the why not. The Milking Machines alone are enough for them to seize a sizable chunk of British Assets (that’s to say baby asses, but we’ll not get into the mule debate here(2)). Also of note are the radical Bee hives, consisting largely of wax-producing starlings. I hear that at the end of every Season they empty the entire contents of each Hive, forming a heady mix of wax and starling, the necessary materials for creating a “New Moon”, if you will. We shall, no doubt, explore this further.

KIKI to WEISS:

The very concept of the wax-producing starling is frightening indeed. Each starling unit, it would follow, would be self-sufficient. If what you say is true, the founding of a Human Advance colony (I use the term “colony” with the utmost of contemptuous irony) would not require a Crane or the Machinery of Wax. The Human Advance Advance (H.A.A.) will therefore be swift and biting. Oh, dear Lord!

WEISS to KIKI:

The H.A.A. must not be contemplated, Kiki – you know where that will lead us. Soon we shall lose trust for each other if we follow that track. We must, therefore, harness Anti-Advance, or at least find them and forge some form of alliance. Only then, sweet comrade, will we stand any chance in this bitterest of wars…

KIKI to WEISS:

Beware of Counter-Advance (or Anti-Advance if you prefer, I suppose…) – we may have a common loathing for Human Advance, but remember, bold Weiss, that their motives are flawed and their methods dangerous and potentially very damaging to our longer term goals. However, and I say this with heavy heart, it may ultimately be what is required. One cannot afford to be all fluffy, as a rabbit might be. Or even, if it came to it, a hare…

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(2) A previous, abortive, theoretical resistance to HA had been considered, in some quarters, revolving around the mule model of cross-fertilisation – zebrasses, zebrinnies, etc.

Keyboa: a dilemma

To whom it may concern,

I have been asked on numerous occasions in recent weeks, months, years, etc. about the ethics of music making by keyboa, specifically by electric keyboa. The commonly accepted definition, I feel I should make clear, of the keyboa is, as concluded at the 19** Seminar, "a metally snake that lives in keyholes" and "can be Manipulated to make melodious sounds". The two principal schools of thought on the harnessing of the electric keyboa are as follows;

i) The very nature of the keyboa ("a metally snake that lives in keyholes"), when coupled with the notion of "[Manipulation] to make melodious sounds", leads the mainstream of counter-Advance scholars to call for unambiguous prohibition of music making by keyboa, in particular by electric keyboa, for reasons of a perceived correlation between the required method (see "Metasynthesis and You: A Beginner's Guide [19**]) and certain principles of the proto-Advance, especially in the field of Control.

ii) A more maverick, but steadily growing school of thought would have it that, rather than being merely neutral in active terms of the Cause, music making by keyboa can actually be beneficial to counter-Advance. There is evidence, albeit broadly disputed (by the aforementioned mainstream) evidence, that points to the electric keyboa being in the region of 30% more organic than, for instance, the violin, and the acoustic, or "bare" keyboa being as much as 40% more organic, purportedly on account of their reptilian roots. There is seldom any suggestion in counter-Advance circles that music is anything less than an invaluable weapon against Human Advance, and, if the statistics cited above are even vaguely accurate, the central argument proffered by this second lobby, that the pros significantly outweigh the cons in any responsibly practiced music making endeavour by keyboa, electric or otherwise, might carry sufficient weight to make, at very least, a full enquiry by the relevant authorities into the potential efficacy of an official keyboa music making programme a viable route forward as regards this particular issue.

I hope that this humble memorandum has shed a little light on what perhaps needn’t be so divisive a topic as the keyboa question currently is. Please send all enquiries through the usual channels,

Yours in conscience,

Sir P----