Tales From the Front: Kiki and Weiss (Part Two)

WEISS to KIKI:

Human Advance of Lutter Farm – Further Notes: I suggest a typically late night scouting trip to sort out the what with, the why with, and, beyond and above, the why not. The Milking Machines alone are enough for them to seize a sizable chunk of British Assets (that’s to say baby asses, but we’ll not get into the mule debate here(2)). Also of note are the radical Bee hives, consisting largely of wax-producing starlings. I hear that at the end of every Season they empty the entire contents of each Hive, forming a heady mix of wax and starling, the necessary materials for creating a “New Moon”, if you will. We shall, no doubt, explore this further.

KIKI to WEISS:

The very concept of the wax-producing starling is frightening indeed. Each starling unit, it would follow, would be self-sufficient. If what you say is true, the founding of a Human Advance colony (I use the term “colony” with the utmost of contemptuous irony) would not require a Crane or the Machinery of Wax. The Human Advance Advance (H.A.A.) will therefore be swift and biting. Oh, dear Lord!

WEISS to KIKI:

The H.A.A. must not be contemplated, Kiki – you know where that will lead us. Soon we shall lose trust for each other if we follow that track. We must, therefore, harness Anti-Advance, or at least find them and forge some form of alliance. Only then, sweet comrade, will we stand any chance in this bitterest of wars…

KIKI to WEISS:

Beware of Counter-Advance (or Anti-Advance if you prefer, I suppose…) – we may have a common loathing for Human Advance, but remember, bold Weiss, that their motives are flawed and their methods dangerous and potentially very damaging to our longer term goals. However, and I say this with heavy heart, it may ultimately be what is required. One cannot afford to be all fluffy, as a rabbit might be. Or even, if it came to it, a hare…

__________________________

(2) A previous, abortive, theoretical resistance to HA had been considered, in some quarters, revolving around the mule model of cross-fertilisation – zebrasses, zebrinnies, etc.

Keyboa: a dilemma

To whom it may concern,

I have been asked on numerous occasions in recent weeks, months, years, etc. about the ethics of music making by keyboa, specifically by electric keyboa. The commonly accepted definition, I feel I should make clear, of the keyboa is, as concluded at the 19** Seminar, "a metally snake that lives in keyholes" and "can be Manipulated to make melodious sounds". The two principal schools of thought on the harnessing of the electric keyboa are as follows;

i) The very nature of the keyboa ("a metally snake that lives in keyholes"), when coupled with the notion of "[Manipulation] to make melodious sounds", leads the mainstream of counter-Advance scholars to call for unambiguous prohibition of music making by keyboa, in particular by electric keyboa, for reasons of a perceived correlation between the required method (see "Metasynthesis and You: A Beginner's Guide [19**]) and certain principles of the proto-Advance, especially in the field of Control.

ii) A more maverick, but steadily growing school of thought would have it that, rather than being merely neutral in active terms of the Cause, music making by keyboa can actually be beneficial to counter-Advance. There is evidence, albeit broadly disputed (by the aforementioned mainstream) evidence, that points to the electric keyboa being in the region of 30% more organic than, for instance, the violin, and the acoustic, or "bare" keyboa being as much as 40% more organic, purportedly on account of their reptilian roots. There is seldom any suggestion in counter-Advance circles that music is anything less than an invaluable weapon against Human Advance, and, if the statistics cited above are even vaguely accurate, the central argument proffered by this second lobby, that the pros significantly outweigh the cons in any responsibly practiced music making endeavour by keyboa, electric or otherwise, might carry sufficient weight to make, at very least, a full enquiry by the relevant authorities into the potential efficacy of an official keyboa music making programme a viable route forward as regards this particular issue.

I hope that this humble memorandum has shed a little light on what perhaps needn’t be so divisive a topic as the keyboa question currently is. Please send all enquiries through the usual channels,

Yours in conscience,

Sir P----

A Disturbing Development: Signs

Familiar symbols have been spotted by undisclosed sources in and around the Brampton area. This hitherto unmarked part of the world would appear to be in the early stages (Stage 3 at most) of corruption, but, needless to say, there is every reason to be alarmed. Reports are crude at best, but the symbols, as far as I can tell, resemble this:


The precise nature of the markings is unfamiliar, notably the thin "head" line. I have yet to analyse it with any real thoroughness, and am anxious for ideas.

Yours as ever,
Sir P----

Tales From the Front: Kiki and Weiss (Part One)

What follow are fragments of an ill-fated correspondence, thought to date from the time of the Great Push (1). I say ill-fated not because of the abruptness of the cessation of this correspondence, as it is impossible to say how or why we have no further evidence of it beyond what is here presented, but because its very existence in corporeal form more or less confirms that Human Advance were fully aware of its existence on whatever plane it originally transpired, and were presumably active in espionage, counter-espionage and so called “super-espionage” against the cell in question.

WEISS to KIKI:

I looked into your enquiry regarding the situation of the Moon in Tokyo. I’m afraid it’s worse than you thought; they, being Human Advance, have created a most monstrous entity that they have, most perversely, named “Moon”. However, it is largely made of wax and starlings. What’s more, it is clear now that the owners of Lutter Farm are affiliates of the Tokyo Branch. One sure sign is that the place is guarded not by a dog, but by a barrel full of flames. This and other things, no doubt, we’ll look into.

KIKI to WEISS:

Human Advance of Lutter Farm - Notes: Their Milking Machines, also of wax and starlings, with additional steel and fibre glass, are, along with their Modified Cows, the reason, I surmise, for their grip on the Dairy Industry. If we can sabotage these mechanisms, we may stand some chance. That is to say, we may have some hope.

The flames are a hazard.

__________________________

(1) This commonly applied term does not, as is often supposed, refer to the actions of any unified movement, but rather encompasses the (sometimes synchronized) actions of a loose and uneasy alliance of organizations opposed to Human Advance (e.g. Kiki and Weiss’s cell, the true name of which remains a bone of contention among scholars, and the Lancashire based “Boo!”) during the flurry of activity to that end in the early years of this century.

Some notes from the field, on Lord Gryffon

videodrone says:
I think they have something to do with strength

Modesty Blaise says:
more importantly, I would say, *conspicuous* strength
like a mechanical peacock's venomous fan

videodrone says:
Those were invented by Lord Gryffon I recall

Modesty Blaise says:
during his Bile Period

videodrone says:
yes that was it
Lord Gryffon, it has very recently emerged, is the first human to pledge alliegiance to HA
but we all saw it coming of course

Modesty Blaise says:
he was certainly the first to sign the documentation necessary for access to his hypothalamus

videodrone says:
I heard his servants never see him now
they say they receive his orders through long pipes that run through the mansion
and they just hear a strange stilted tinny voice commanding them from afar
that Lord Gryffon eh.

Modesty Blaise says:
he was the last of the 20th Century Giants to emerge, and the first of the 21st Century Giants to submerge

videodrone says:
I think I quite like him
The children in the streets have a new song.
"Lord Gryffon Lord Gryffon,
Lord Gryffon Lord Gryffon
Lord Gryffon..."
like that

Modesty Blaise says:
that pleases him greatly...
as a child he was disgusted to hear the quicksilver wordplay of his contemporaries, whether stickballing or hopscotching, when they made their rhymes
all that has gone now

videodrone says:
At night he cuts out their tongues whilst they sleep. He replaces them with files or boxes of staples determined by sex.

Modesty Blaise says:
and genitals, over time, are rendered more sensitive, so as to distract their developing minds from spiritual matters

videodrone says:
Apparently he has the trees in his grounds painted in pheromones to attract the blossoming your females
and he coats the branches with strong glue, having got the idea from Dahl.
then he wanders around under the boughs gazing upwards at succulent flesh
and throws small metal objects up
the aim being to get them to stick.
Apparently.

Modesty Blaise says:
His mechanical delight is tempered, however, by his frustration. Because his twisted hybrid form is incapable of partaking of the aforementioned succulent flesh, he uses his Portable Workshop to practice Night Doctory.

videodrone says:
He keeps certain parts of his long deceased mother alive
and he is teaching them to talk in that Workshop
You can hear them weeping.

Modesty Blaise says:
and with the still almost fresh disembodied reproductive organs of his deceased father, and the scrapings of his mother's womb, he creates clones of himself via the medium of AMBIONIC FLUID, and he is pleased with his work

videodrone says:
did you know that he has replaced his own head with metal grill?
He wears a crown, and hangs chains off his ears

Modesty Blaise says:
when the starlings in his Sphere/Zone are suspected of turning, they are promptly barbecued as an example to the others

videodrone says:
but it has been noticed that he kills a very specific number of them
such as 444 one day
of 555 another

Modesty Blaise says:
H.A.C. (Human Advance Central) have a highly, psychotically developed quota system

videodrone says:
he styled his new head, by the way, on the wrong side of the one penny piece

Modesty Blaise says:
he likes to be called queen, and insists that his portcullis rump be addressed thus at all times, even when he isn't there.